Just one little word can have so many meanings.
This was made abundantly clear to me when my second daughter was born at 34 weeks, after having my first at 27 weeks getting to 34 weeks with my second was a miracle and a completely new experience for me. I ended up having an emergency c-section under a general anaesthetic, so after I left recovery I was wheeled down to meet my little girl. As I was taken into intensive care I had an overwhelming feeling of déjà-vu, there was one of my favourite nurses stood next to the incubator with a huge grin on her face and a welcoming comment of ‘what are you doing back here?’ charming!
Then I looked in the incubator and was faced with a completely different sight, there was an actual baby in there, not a strange alien looking creature like her sister, but an actual baby, with chub and everything!! So even though she was in intensive care she was really not requiring much help, just a bit of CPAP and light therapy, I was feeling quite pleased with her, and myself, so I decided to text a few people to let them know she had arrived. The text went ‘Baby girl arrived this afternoon by c-section, we’re both ok’.
The next day my friend came to visit, she’s sat next to my bed in maternity and having dispensed with the pleasantries and I notice she is looking around, a lot!
Me -‘What are you looking for?’
Her -‘The baby’
Me – ‘She’s in the NICU’
Her – ‘But you said she’s ok’
Me – ‘She is ok’
Her – ‘Then why is she in the NICU?’
The conversation carried on for awhile, with me explaining that the baby was fine, that even though she was doing well she was still 6 weeks prem and so it was expected that she would need to spend some time on the NNU, and in my eyes she was fine. I think my friend was forgetting that I had previously had a 27 weeker, as she really couldn’t understand why I was saying that my baby was ok. It made me think about the times people would ask how Heidi was doing while still in hospital and I would often answer with ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ and how this might have been misleading to them. I didn’t say it with the intention of being misleading, I genuinely meant it.
So here is my definition of the word okay…
‘Okay’ means that although my baby is in hospital and currently ventilated/on CPAP today is good, she isn’t going downhill/requiring a blood transfusion/doesn’t have an infection/has not needed any extra tests/scans/x-rays, today she is stable, today she is okay.
I don't think it's misleading at all, just as you say premmy parents have a very different, perhaps more realistic view of well, "okay"! You quickly get used to a brand new world that others can barely imagine so it is natural that definitions get mixed up.
ReplyDeleteIt can be a shame when you know your baby is "okay" and someone who doesn't understand keeps banging on that they can't be-it sort of undoes all the making-yourself-feel-better you build up.
And the 'today' is so key. Tomorrow is another day; right now there is just today.
Good to have a new post!!
Thank you :)
DeleteI think I would have gone (more) insane if I was constantly having to give people a detailed account of Heidi's condition, it felt like we were taking a step in the right direction if I could say 'today she has been okay' x
Yep, I know what you mean, come to think of it theres a whole lot of nicu speak.
Delete'okay' is the new surviving,
'a bit naughty' - the new deteriorating.
'having a bad day' - on deaths door
'doing well' - virtually discharged !!!!
I used to hate it when they said 'She's been a bit naughty' like she was making herself ill on purpose just to be inconvient!
ReplyDelete