Wow, isn't she advanced!

This was said to me by a well meaning father once as our children played together at a soft play centre. Heidi had just started crawling and was understandably very proud of herself, she was wriggling around on the floor with a beaming smile on her face, this she directed at the man whose daughter was running around and playing with Heidi. Being a rather charming little girl the man started talking to her, and eventually me. After chatting for awhile the man is watching Heidi crawling and comes out with ‘wow, isn’t she advanced’, now don’t get me wrong I was so proud of Heidi but she was 18 months old and had only just started crawling, so I don’t think advanced was quite the right word! But she was also the size of your average 3 month old, so I can understand why he said it, I just smiled and nodded and tried to carry the conversation on. It didn’t work…’So how old is she?’ ‘well’ I mutter under my breath ‘about 18 months’…a look of confusion crosses his face, and then realisation that he may not have said the most appropriate thing. I politely return the question ‘how old is your little girl?’ I wonder why his face starts to turn a little bit pink, and then he answers rather sheepishly ’10 months’. WTF that huge toddler running around is 10 months!! Is he saying it just to wind me up or is she really the worlds most advanced child?? ‘Isn’t she doing well’ I say, after a few more minutes of awkward chatting we go our separate ways.

As a parent to preemies you come across so many assumptions that are made about your child, some more frustrating than others. This assumption was one of the positive ones, in comparison to some others that have been made about Heidi, although slightly embarrassing for the man!

I have to admit I did find seeing him squirm quite enjoyable, does this make me a bad person, or just a preemie mum??

Okay

Just one little word can have so many meanings.

This was made abundantly clear to me when my second daughter was born at 34 weeks, after having my first at 27 weeks getting to 34 weeks with my second was a miracle and a completely new experience for me. I ended up having an emergency c-section under a general anaesthetic, so after I left recovery I was wheeled down to meet my little girl. As I was taken into intensive care I had an overwhelming feeling of déjà-vu, there was one of my favourite nurses stood next to the incubator with a huge grin on her face and a welcoming comment of ‘what are you doing back here?’ charming!

Then I looked in the incubator and was faced with a completely different sight, there was an actual baby in there, not a strange alien looking creature like her sister, but an actual baby, with chub and everything!! So even though she was in intensive care she was really not requiring much help, just a bit of CPAP and light therapy, I was feeling quite pleased with her, and myself, so I decided to text a few people to let them know she had arrived. The text went ‘Baby girl arrived this afternoon by c-section, we’re both ok’.

The next day my friend came to visit, she’s sat next to my bed in maternity and having dispensed with the pleasantries and I notice she is looking around, a lot!

Me -‘What are you looking for?’

Her -‘The baby’

Me – ‘She’s in the NICU’

Her – ‘But you said she’s ok’

Me – ‘She is ok’

Her – ‘Then why is she in the NICU?’

The conversation carried on for awhile, with me explaining that the baby was fine, that even though she was doing well she was still 6 weeks prem and so it was expected that she would need to spend some time on the NNU, and in my eyes she was fine. I think my friend was forgetting that I had previously had a 27 weeker, as she really couldn’t understand why I was saying that my baby was ok. It made me think about the times people would ask how Heidi was doing while still in hospital and I would often answer with ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ and how this might have been misleading to them. I didn’t say it with the intention of being misleading, I genuinely meant it.

So here is my definition of the word okay…

‘Okay’ means that although my baby is in hospital and currently ventilated/on CPAP today is good, she isn’t going downhill/requiring a blood transfusion/doesn’t have an infection/has not needed any extra tests/scans/x-rays, today she is stable, today she is okay.

Google it...

I have a confession to make......
There is one piece of advice I have for any parents out there, and that is do not, under any circumstances use Google to find out about any health concerns you may have for your child. If you are worried or don't understand  something ask a doctor, I repeat, DO NOT use Google!
In our house we have been having a bit of a swap around and me and the girls have changed rooms, amid all the chaos I found Heidi's discharge summery from Neonatal, it makes for interesting reading! Firstly there are a few things on there that I don't remember happening, but I really should. Is my memory really that bad, or did my brain just get to a certain point and just think 'no, you have enough of this driving you crazy, I'm not going to remember that as well'?? Who knows, well, clearly not me!
Secondly, there were a lot of words on there that although I know them, I'm not entirely sure on the correct meanings. So I of course do the sensible thing, and with the letter still firmly clutched in my hand I fire up the laptop and set about Googling practically every other word. This was not a good idea, but once I started it turned into a bit of an obsession and I could not stop until I had reached the very last word. Thankfully it was only a brief summery, or the hour I spent at my computer could easily have turned into a day. I got to understand my daughters Neonatal journey that little bit better, and in hindsight I could have done without that, but it goes to prove what a real miracle my wonderful Heidi is. However, the thing that I am most thankful for after doing this is that I didn't have a computer and never Googled anything during Heidi's stay, it would have truly tipped me over the edge. Going through the NICU with a certain amount of naivety was definitely the best thing for me.
So although I have obviously completely ignore my own advice, to other parents I would still say the same - Google is bad for your health!

Look for the positives

As a parent of a premature you get used to hearing lots of different reactions when people find out. Some people are genuinely caring and supportive (these are very few and far between, unless they also happen to be a premmie parent!) others know exactly how you feel, why, their cousin had a baby that spent a few days in NICU, so of course they know how I as a parent of a 27 weeker who spent 3 months NICU feels. The kind that you encounter most frequently are the people who really don't know what to say and clearly don't want to carry on the conversation, so they say the first positive thing they can think of while they are busy trying to work out how to get out of the situation!
So here is a list of the oh so helpfully positive things I have been told about having a prem baby

1. Oh bless, so cute and tiny - really? have you ever seen a prem baby, because although they are obviously beautiful to their parents, they are weird looking, kind of like aliens!
2. You must save a fortune on clothes - yes, my baby staying in the same size clothes for six months because she doesn't put on weight doesn't actually worry me because it's saved me some money.
3. You've got a built in babysitter (while the baby is still in hospital) - because the first thing you want to do while your baby is in intensive care is go out clubbing!
4. You can catch up on sleep (while the baby is in hospital) - sleep? what's sleep? because I for one didn't get much during the whole three months.
5. You're so lucky for not going full term - I would rather have gone a month overdue than watch my baby have to go through all the trauma of being early.
6. You're so lucky for not having labour - again, give me labour for a week rather than have an early baby.
7. You've lost lots of weight - stress, coupled with practically inedible hospital food, best diet I know!

Ok, so I realise that I may be coming across as a little bitter when people are just trying to be friendly, but it is really difficult to keep a smile on your face while these things get said to you, no matter how well intentioned they are. I manage most of the time, I have the occasional slip, but for the whole I keep a polite smile on my face then quickly move away, but one day, I don't know when, one day I will not be able to keep the polite smile on, and who knows what will happen then....

The Princess Returns....

And this time she's bought back up... In the form of little sister Elsie. 

Between the two of them they have firmly reminded me of exactly who is boss in our household, and it isn't me! Heidi has tonsillitis again, and has gone back to her regal ways of lying on the sofa making demands, although she's not quite as dramatic as before, no angel to watch over her this time. Elsie, who after watching Heidi's masterclass before decided she would give a go as well. So she developed bronchiolitis... this was not supposed to happen, Elsie is my easy baby, Heidi is the one who has the ambulance and hospital obsession. Ok, so it's only a mild case, and we managed to smile sweetly enough at the out of hours doctor that she decided we could go to the local A & E on our own, without the ambulance. Once there it was just a case of sitting and waiting, her sats, heart rate and resp rate were all borderline, so we waited until they were just under or over what they needed to be and off home we trotted. On the way out I realised, I don't know the way out, I was so used to being transferred over to the childrens ward from A & E that I didn't know where to go! Realising we'd had a lucky escape I walked as fast as I could out of there, before they called us back.

Heidi and Elsie have spent the days since this crying out their demands, being waited on hand and foot, with tempting foods and lots of entertaining. 

I love my girls to bits and I'm forever grateful for any time that we are not in hospital, and I appreciate that especially for Heidi this recent illness is pretty insignificant, but girls if you're going to keep up this princess lifestyle then how about finding mummy a prince to help out! :)

Princess Heidi

Heidi has kept me very busy for the past week or so, she's had tonsillitis and has used her time lying on the sofa very effectively. She has used this time to look deep inside and discover things about herself she never knew, the bit of herself that Heidi has discovered is ....her Inner Princess, Great!!

While she has been practising to become part of the royal family I can only imagine what was going on inside her head, so here it is, my theory on what Heidi was really thinking....

Heidi's guide to behaving like a Princess (and getting what you want)

1. Fake illness - For all the steps below to work it is necessary to be ill, this way mum will be feeling sorry for you. It's best to fake it so you can truly enjoy the experience without any of the pesky side affects of illness.
2. Demand waitress service - Refuse to move from the sofa or bed and insist food and drink is bought to you, and preferably spoon fed, with the drink being lifted for you. This way you can keep your hands nice and cosy under the blanket or cuddling your teddy.
3. Only eat the finest food - If you're fed up with the normal healthy junk your mum tries to feed you, simply stop eating for a few days, this will then cause your mum to try and entice you with all sorts of yummy treats, by then she will be so desperate for you to eat that she'll say yes to anything, even chocolate, crisps and ice-cream!
4. Walking is over rated - Insist on being carried everywhere, a good way of doing this is to start shaking when you stand up and say in a croaky voice 'my legs are all wobbly' works every time, especially when you want to go up and down the stairs.
5. Watch what you want on TV - Pretend to fall asleep on the sofa, your mummy won't want to move you because you look so comfy and she wants to keep an eye on you, you can then wait until your mum puts the programme you fancy on and quietly watch it without them noticing. My programme of choice was The Inbetweeners, I have learnt a lot of new words!
6. Get a court jester - Have someone to entertain you all the time, I personally enjoy watching a fully grown adult doing animal impressions and listening to their off key singing, especially if someone else is around to witness it as well.
7. Be a drama queen (or princess!) - For this I had my mother move the angel from the top of the Christmas tree and place it so it was watching over me on my sick bed, this was to remind my mum of the seriousness of the situation.

Follow these steps and you too could enjoy the life of a Princess, however, be warned, mothers have their limit, my mum lasted 10 days before snapping and sending me back to preschool, oh well, it was fun while it lasted :)

And then there were two

About two years after lying on the operating table while having a c-section with my first, and swearing I would never have any more children, I fell ill with a mysterious sickness bug! I know, it sounds obvious already doesn’t it, but I went along, naively complaining that the bug was lasting longer than 24 hours, and why was it only affecting me? After some gentle persuasion from a friend (Lisa, will you please do a bloody pregnancy test!) I finally bought a test and did it early one morning, I was so confident in the result, as I knew I was definitely NOT pregnant, that I even went back to sleep before looking at the results, then when I woke about 20 minutes later and blearily looked at the stick to see the word (yes, you guessed it) pregnant I was sent into a mild panic. My friend who had persuaded me to take the test received an early morning phone call over the result, because obviously it was her fault!

You see, it wasn’t that I didn’t want any more children, but after spending three months in the NICU with my first, it wasn’t an experience I wanted to repeat, which the doctors had done a good job at persuading me would happen if I had anymore children. So off I went to see my consultant, only to be faced with another doctor, someone who did a fantastic job at sending me into even more of a panic, he declared that the baby would definitely be born before 27 weeks and smaller than 2lbs, he then asked why I was looking upset! After some serious foot stamping and tantrum throwing on my part I saw my consultant, who managed to undo the panic that his colleague had sent me into.

The pregnancy wasn’t the easiest, and I had several stays in hospital, at my 34 week appointment (by this stage I was seeing my consultant and having weekly scans) I was told that I was having the baby now, and to be honest, I was so pleased to get that far I felt quite happy with that, or maybe it was because the consultant looked a lot like Derren Brown, so I may have just looked into his eyes too much. So I went up for my second c-section, which this time I had under general anaesthetic, and several hours later I was wheeled down the corridor to meet baby number two, and have take two at the NICU.

It was a slightly bizarre feeling to be going there again, but made easier knowing that this baby would be a lot healthier and need a lot less help than my first. Elsie Rose weighed a hefty 5lb 13oz and required a day, just one day, on cpap.  She stayed on the unit for just under 4 weeks, and then the hard work really started, two children at home, what had I let myself in for!